Dalawang mahahabang taon ng pawis, luha, tawa, pagod at pagasa; ngunit ngyon kailangan nang isuko ang laban. Ngayon ako naman, sarili ko naman ang aking aalalahanin.
Once upon a time, i wear a 2 colored scrubs. after sometime, i was awarded a 3colored one. Noong mga panahong iyon, akala ko yon ang tinatawag na happiness but then again, i was wrong. Lumipas ang mga buwan unti unti ko nang nararamdaman ang bigat ng lahat. Alam ko naman na walang madaling trabaho, pero minsan naiibsan ang mahirap na trabaho kung gusto mo ito. Tandang tanda ko pa kung gaano ko itinatawid ang mga araw para pumasok, habang iniisip sa likod ng aking mumunting kaisipan, kaylangan kong gumawa ng oras.
Oras.
what keeps me sane? conversation, sleep, food. Good times that i have been deprived but still I find time. Kahit pagod. kahit walang tulog. I really do not know how did I made that happen, Looking back, that was pretty bad ass.
It has been almost a year since I’ve undon my Scrubsuit. But nonetheless the Scrubsuit is sewed into my soul.
Wrap Up
Isang buong taon, Mahigit tatlong daan ang bilang non.
Trabaho dito, Meet up don. pero mostly trabaho. madaming namiss,madami din namang na witness.
pero dahil pebrero na, at matagal nang tapos ang 2014, siguro naman kaya ko nang isulat ang nakaraang taon. Kaylangan nang isara at tumuloy sa susunod na kabanata.
365 and 1/4 days.
If I say I am HAPPY for the whole of the year, Im lying. I had my low days, I doubted my self for a few times over the same conundrum, Work. The year is consist of more than three hundred days ( may butal pa nga na 1/4th day, round off nalang natin?) and you can’t be lurking on sadness in the most of it. Its not that you can’t but you shouldn’t. Time is precious to waste and there are more important things you need to ponder upon than regret what has occurred, for instance; Happiness.
Happiness.
It varies from one individual to another. It might be similar to another’s but there is a defining characteristics. Listen to opinions of those around you, but consider what your heart tells you.Always remember you are responsible of who you will become after making the decision, may it be good or bad. As for me, only when you listen to your own desire (in the expense of no one) you will be truly happy.
Into the books.
Another year has ended,some stories end and some stories are waiting to unfold. Learn what there is to be learned. If you feel you may have missed something, its never too late to review what has happened because you can never be too careful and if all else fail, atleast you tried.
Another year,another chance, another second another morning.
Isa pang tatlong daan animnapu’t apat na araw, Isang taong hindi mo alam kung anong sorpresa ang sasalubong sayo. Ang mahalaga, alam mo kung saan ka pupunta. Kung nailigaw ka na, umupo at magisip muna. Dahan dahan, unti unti, makakamit kung ano mang minimithi.
Keep on shining
laters!
[the dawn] part 1: what is lost.
I wanted to scream but I can’t. I wanted to breath but I won’t, when things are getting harder; should I take a step forward, or just lie on my back and let those things fade away. However, it happened so fast I just can’t think that day, now I can’t believe where I am today.
Anyone wouldn’t want to be lying on that bed. Practically isn’t a bed, its an operating table to be exact and as far as I know, I’m dying. My vision is somewhat hazy, it’s as if i am looking down at myself while all those people hastily operate on me just to save my life. It was like all in fast forward, I felt a little light headed – floating even, when the doctor raised something from my body. A bullet. Handed it over to another person and placed into some kind of metal basin. A clink, then i felt being sucked into my own body and out again to the last moment before I end up here.
It was dark, drafty and silent evening walk with my dog, Don, a routine we do for who-knows-how-long. Don always know where to go, on the usual spot in the village square, staring at the starless patch in the sky and spent hours sitting on our favorite bench staring in nothingness. But today it changed, Don was frantic, running even, pulled me towards the path back to our house and before we cross the road until I heard a gunshot.
I was alarmed, I just wanted to go home so we ran. Just a few yards away from my house, i felt a little queasy but still inching towards our door and a few steps more, I fell flat on the pavement. All my warmth fading, the stars seemed to shine to its brightest and my body, it felt numb. My hand gazed its way to my abdomen and only then i found out, I have been shot.
Until the last minute Don was Acting strange, he desperately pulls me towards home but he didn’t succeed so he just barked and barked to the point that it was the last I remembered. Little by little the stars lost their glow and darkness devoured my vision. I felt like crying but no tears came. And for the first time in my life, I was afraid.
Darkness, I think this was the longest time that I have been in one. I can’t say that I’m asleep because I can think and I can roam around. Its infinite but never did I get tired walking in it like I knew the every last millimeter of it, to the point that I felt calm and it melted away the previous vision. Still not finding anything I wandered in this darkness, took turns every now and then until I saw Don.
Don lead me through this labyrinth, we came in to some sort of library with books of no titles but we didn’t stop, we continued to move forward and this library changed into some kind of room. In here I found familiar trinkets; a study table, a pen, some notebooks, a guitar and all of this are mine. There are photographs in here too, but these are life size. A photograph of a Beach house, Don, and a Woman in her mid-20s; She was familiar but I can’t recall who was she. Still we walked until we found a huge stone door, its like 15 feet high like those of a castle. It seemed impossible to open, I looked around to see if there is something to open it but there is none. I lost all hope so i tried to push it open, but just until my hand touched its surface, the Door disappeared and then I woke up.
I lie awake on a real bed this time. Staring at the ceiling still pondering about things I saw and now Its getting weirder. I have been shot hours ago and as it seems, I’m not in any hospital.This room was painted white with shelves filled with books and action figures, It looks like is belonged to a child that left long ago. Without moving an inch i gazed my eyes on the door, I think of going out to see where am I really, then my dog barked. I leaped out of my bed shocked because he more or less barked in my ear and yet I’m glad!
I knelt down to pet him and I said, “OH Don! I thought I’d never hear you bark again!” He barked and wagged his tail in reply.
“Why do you say so?” said by an unfamiliar voice. I turn around to see who it is. To my surprise it was the Woman i saw in a picture. I didn’t know how to respond because she seemed to know me very well, I can tell it based on how she looks at me and I, I haven’t got a slightest idea who she is and maybe she sensed it.
“My name is Christa and Yes I do understand that you don’t remember me, I dont mind really.” she said brightly.
So that’s Her name. Christa. She was looking at me with her bright blue eyes, it was like saying something to me, but I think I’m just imagining it.
“Uhh, Hi? I’m Lee, where am I?” I uttered shyly while grazing my eyes over the room, then outside the window. It was a very fine sunny day. I don’t know how much I longed for the beach and here it is, Im at a beach front. Somehow it was captivating, It was luring me to go outside and feel the sand and the water beneath my feet.
“I know silly!” she laughingly uttered and added, “Where are you? well its yours to find out! Come! I’m gonna show you something.” She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards the door. “Ready?” she asked and turned the door open.
It was bright, so bright and it sucked us out like a wormhole. My feet felt wet and it was sandy, just as I imagined it a while ago. Then the brightness toned down and revealed the sea where gulls are flying around made sounds like they were singing and seashells are scattered everywhere. I was surprised I looked back at the house and back at sea. It was the same beach house. I really don’t know what to believe now, I tried to understand and take it all in but I just cant.Then I turned to her, “How did you did that? Whatever you’re doing, stop it… Please.” I nearly cried.
She smiled, but this smile doesn’t feel like she was happy but it isn’t sarcastic at all. It was like she’s sad or more like hopeless, I couldn’t really tell. And as she pulls her smile out, the sun started to set. Everything looked like it was bathed with the color of the sunset, it was warm not physically but it felt like its coming from within. Its inside my heart.
“You really don’t have a clue, don’t you? We’re in here.” she said tapping one finger to my temple then tears started to stream down her face. She took one step towards me, close enough to give me a hug. Suddenly the beach was gone and we’re inside of an old manor with a grand staircase and that stone door that I saw earlier.
“But how? I don’t know you, I can’t remember!”
“You do. You can see me, therefore you remember. You’ll just have to find me”
“Find you where?”
“You know where you’ll find me… You always do.”
“BUT….” I can’t reason out anymore. Peculiar.
I looked at her believing that I do know her and that everything she says is true, that I know where to find her. I felt certain about finding her even if I don’t have a clue to begin with, just this old manor. Soon tears started to fall from my eyes, I just wanted to remember but things started to fade. The chandelier, the stairs, the tables, the lights. And then Her, slowly fading to darkness, I reached out to her face and I know she’s real. Now I ended up Where I was before I in the darkness, not alone but with Don, he never left me.
Tears started to fall down my face. I wanted to scream but I can’t. I willed my self to utter a word and as say No, reality came back to my senses. I now sit at a Bus stop a few yards away from home. I sat there, not completely alone but they let me be, watching the break of dawn.
I am Lee, help me find my story.
Something Old. My Keepsake.
Ala Ala.
Eto ung mga bagay na nakaukit, nakaimprenta, nakaburda na sa isip mo maganda man o hindi. Nasasayo na siguro kung paano mo babaliktanawin ito; Para sakin, lahat ng iniwan mong alaala, Maganda, Masaya, Mainit at kaylan man ay HINDING HINDI MALILIMUTAN.
Isang araw dito sa ating mundo, may isang babae na ngalan ay Quintina. Ina ng siyam, byuda at nakatira sa isang kuweba. Nagkaron sya ng maraming apo, 36 ata, at ako ay isa doon. Hindi ko alam kung nagiimagine lang ako na sinabi mo na paborito mo akong apo, pero sana nga ako ung paborito mong apo kasi paborito kitang lola.
CARPORT na walang car.
Lamesa ng Table tennis; mga halaman; puno ng mangga, santol, chesa at kamias; rocking chair at iba pang mga upuan; Imbes na sasakyan, ito ang mga nasa Carport nya. Madalas akong nandito upang mangulit, madalas ko ding napapansin ang isang Mural sa dingding, painting ng sunset. sa pagkakatanda ko 2-3 beses kong tinanong kung sino ang gumawa nito pero hindi nya sinagot, pero tandang tanda ko pa kung gano yon kaganda, Nakakatunaw ng puso sa tuwinang inaalala, hindi ko na nga din alam kung yun ipinabura.
Lungkot at bakit.
October 1, 2014.Kahit wala ka dito, alam ko nasa langit ka; alam kong gustong gusto mong sabihing “itong lintak na to, bakit ka umiiyak.”
umiiyak ako kasi namimiss kita. Namimiss kita na parang ung mural sa carport mo; na kahit pininturahan ng puti, inondoy, pinalitan ng plastic e yoon parin ang nakikita ko, parang ikaw na parati kong naiisip kahit na nagmumukha akong baliw na nangingiti pag iniimagine ko kung pano ka magrereact at kung ano ang sasabihin mo.
Pasensya ka na ha, kung masyadong iyakin ang apo mo, pero gusto lang kitang yakapin ulit, gusto kong marinig ang mga kwento mong paulit ulit, pero tulad nga ng nasa mural, isang lumulubog na araw; lahat ng mgagandang bagay may katapusan at lahat ng katapusan tiyak ay may kasunod na umpisa.
Paumanhin
Paulitulit na, alam ko. Pero sana’y maintindihan nyo. Madami pa akong gustong sabihin pero sa ngayon ay sakin nalang muna iyon.
Illusyonado
Gusto kong sumulat.
Gusto kong sumulat ng kanta.
Pero hindi tulad ng iba kong sinulat, gusto kong isulat kung sino ako ngayon; Hindi yung sino ako kahapon, o ung tipong gusto ko lang magkwento o ikwento kung ano man ang gusto sakin ipakwento. Ngayon ang gusto ko ako naman; bawal magtago sa likod ng melodiya, pero maaaring magtago ng lihim sa loob nang isang kanta.
Nananaginip ka pa ba? O gising ka na simula ng pinanganak ka. Halika! Upo ka dito, antayin mo ang kanta ko.
as the rivers rise.
As the rain fell from the sky; drains clogged, waters rise and devoured the dirt we once stood upon. Once upon a time… that Day, that friday. 
Litrato Musika Alak
Biyernes! Huling araw ng linggo at buti naman wala akong trabaho, dahil Hardcore ang gabi ko dahil sa naglolokong machine, Mas naenjoy ko ng wagas itong araw na ito. Plinano ito siguro ng isang lingo, buti nalang kamo saktong wala akong pasok talaga nitong araw na ito.
SEPTEMBER ay ang bagong OKTOBER.
It Depends, yan ang banda ng anak ng aking super friend na si mamakat. Niyaya nya kaming manood, nung una hesitant pa ako ksi nga akala ko may pasok ako pero boom! WALA PALA, so pumayag ako na sumama. Perstaym ko na maki OKTOBER FEST, simula pa nuong college pangarap ko na ang pumunta dto. makinig ng mga tugtog ng mga banda at kung syempre uminom; pero dahil sa schedule parating hindi nakakapunta.
Alas tres na kami nakarating sa Greenfield District sa may Mandaluyong, mejo naligaw dahil sa malupit at mahabang entrance papasok ng mismong venue pero WE SARBAYBD! kaya pag pasok na pagpasok namin ayun nagsisimula na ang IT DEPENDS, Kaya simula na din ng Isa sa mga dahilan ko sa pag punta dito. Ang pagkuha ng LITRATO.
Ang Venue
IT DEPENDS!
Ang pussy na pumukaw ng aming atensyon.
Kung si Golum ay may ring, ito naman ang aking Precious(es).
Ang akala namin hanggang dun lang kami sa first part ng SMB OKTOBER FEST. pero marami ang namamatay sa maling akala (pero hindi naman kami namatay, akala lang namin talaga) dahil inabot kami ng hanggang 12mn don dahil sa magagaling na performers :))
Ayan! Makulay na ang mundo ng aking mga salita, sa susunod kakantahan ko naman kayo!
Hanggang sa susunod na Gala! MABUHAY TAONG LAHAT!
One year.
Once Upon A time, We barely coped. After A While we LEARNED. Everyday, Until after a year. I bailed out of the Medical ICU because of my reasons I chose not to divulge, but my friendship with these beautiful people did not end. I belong to the Post Gratuate Nurse Training batch 7 ICU fast track, One of Six.
First attempt
August 1, 2014. Our anniversary and we planned to request that day as rest to eat out and talk. All The plan did not push through that day because of unfortunate 6night duty (6pm-6am) of some of us. As for me. I just stayed home and slept *off well spent*.
Planning
Our schedule is as fragile as humpty Dumpty and we work at different units at sanlukas. I for one is from the Epilepsy Monitoring unit, Pri and Karl is from MICU, Bea from NCCU/SICU, Angela from PICU and Karen from Acute stroke unit. So basically a Doctor quackquack kind of task to make our schedules meet plus the fact that we do have our own personal lives to live. But as we said a year ago, We have to and its a promise. The Lunch/dinner out that we tried to push through from the last attempt became childsplay as we drafted this escape, and this time we made sure this would happen.
The Day
With the gas tank full and tires checked: I Drove. first stop Marikina to meet up with pri as planned and then traversed south to Makati to pick up the others. The original 6, due to vacation leave and family affair of our beloved Karl and Angela, couldn’t be reunited but then again we can’t postpone this trip so we called in some proxies. our good friends kyle and Lyka.
SLEX
From Makati we took C5 and headed for the South Luzon Expressway. We left the Metro at around half past Eleven and Decided to buy some food on the road. Luckily yours trully doesnt know that much of the SLEX and sped past the only gasoline station that has Burger king in it and promised to stop at the next station. Unfortunately for us, every food establishment that time was full of people. As “bigo” as we are, we head on to our destination. Paseo de Sta rosa was our last hope its the nearest establishment that can offer us, well, Food. We had shakeys for lunch then off to where magic comes true! Hello Santa Rosa,
Hello, Enchanted Kingdom!
After a not so long Drive and tons of stories plus booming laughter We arrived. I dont have to get in to details about the rides because I don’t know how it made our day REALLY MAGICAL. Well we started our Magical day inside the park with this crazy ride, because we think its just, you know, not that fun; but we are wrong. 
I don’t have photos the entire day, but non the less everything is imprinted in my brain and in my heart how we got all sweaty, wet then dry again and how we ended the day with a nice Wheel of Fate ride then drove all the way home.
Until next Drive. Keep on shining.
in colors of three.
In colors of three, I appear to those who is, who will be and who used to be.
April 26, 2012
This had been end of a chapter of in my life and a beginning of a new. From here, questions of uncertainties arise. Not knowing what life may bring ahead, I took one step forward and marched over to the stage in a pace that my heart dictates. As I take my bow I search the sea of audience; Faculty, Students, parents and significant others, for my Mama and Papa. For the first time in my life I ever felt I did something good, I made my Parents happy. I feel their proud claps from where I stand, as I descend the stage I look at them with all smiles, and made a promise to myself; I WILL MAKE THEM PROUD, AGAIN AND AGAIN.
NLE and Employment
I conquered the nursing licensure exam with not exactly flying colors but 81 is all I can grab so why fuss about it, after all this is what I wanted close to top 10 but still i passed. Then the bum life until 2013, because I was kind of Lazy and became a majinboo look a like. January 2013 I was called by my HS Alma mater to be their school nurse, and who was I to reject. I was offered to have the aforementioned title and teach health care to all the students. 3 months passed I didn’t ask to have my contract renewed and planned to pass CVs to different hospitals.
The plan did not took place because by March, before the school year ends, I received a text from St. Lukes Medical Center – Global City for an Interview. I was hesitant at first, but in the end I WON. After 2 months of didactics, I was fast tracked to being probationary employee in the Medical ICU and even had myself transferred to Epilepsy Monitoring Unit. This is my third Make Your Parents Proud moment and I hope this is not the last.
In colors of three, as hard as it may be, THIS is my DUTY.
ScrubSuit Adventures 